Questions to the woman I am becoming

A conversation with my 80 year old self. Just questions. The answers are found in between.

Are you proud of me? In this moment. Right now. Are you?
Have you truly lived?
What do you regret?
When did I untie the knot? Did I ever untie it?

Can you just hold me in your arms for a moment and rock me gently? I wanna be held, melt in your arms, and exhale. Just for a little moment.

Why are you smiling so relaxed?
What makes you shine so brightly?
You look so happy – why? What’s your secret?

What is it like to love someone from a place of truth, relaxation, inner security and trust? How does this free love feel? Do you still have it?

Which journey was the most beautiful for you?
Why did you choose this particular place here by the sea to settle down?
When did you leave the city? And why? Was it too loud? Too weird? Too artifical?

Do you still love the sun on your skin as much as you used to? And to jump into the water, naked, free, alive?
Did your sleep get better at some point?

May I look into your eyes for a bit longer? I want to read the stories they want to tell me.

What do you want me to know now?
Why did you always believe in me? Did you?
When will the worries lessen?
Will the waves become gentler?

Have I found love?
Have I experienced myself the way I wanted to?
When did I stop doubting myself? Did I ever stop?

What taboos do you want me to break?
What anger do you want me to express?
What rage do you want me to shout into this world?
What truth do you want me to live right NOW?
What would you like to whisper in my ear that I know but don’t dare to say myself?What permission slip would you like to give to me?

Will my love for myself become more and more beautiful?
Will I trust myself even more?
Will my people pleaser ever fully relax?

What was it like when the thought of the curse was no longer there? Was it gone at some point?

What are you still afraid of?
What do you wish for YOURSELF?

Oh love, may I smell your hair and stroke your old, wrinkled skin for a moment? You feel so calm. So alive. All at once. I want to stay here just a little bit longer. Just a tiny little bit. Being here with you. What a gift. What a wonder.

Just the two of us. Such a special moment.

Can we meet again, right here, on this little bridge over this river? Whenever I need you? I will wait for you. And I trust that you will come.